REACTING in 3,2,1...

When something happens that makes you feel a certain way, what do you do?

Chances are, you'd react to it.

If you get angry at slow internet, for example, you'd likely get angry when it happens again.

Our reactions are decided by our past reactions.

How you are used to reacting to something is likely how you will react to it again.

This is especially so when it comes to our emotional reactions when in our relationships.

It's sort of like a default systems setting.

So unless you actively, consciously, choose otherwise, it will be the same on repeat.

Reacting is a primal, autopilot, knee-jerk return.

It's part of being human.

If we had to be conscious of every single stimulation our minds would be in overdrive all the time. Imagine that! The background sounds of the AC, our nose on our face (yes, our eyes do see our nose all the time we just automatically filter it out...)

Reacting isn't a bad thing in of itself.

It is a necessary part of discernment by our mind to help us in our everyday life.

What you want to do is to attune ourselves to when it is important not to react.

Especially in your relationships.

You want to be conscious, intentionally, actively participating in your relationship instead of mindlessly cruising along.

How do you do that?

Practice the Pause.

Practice initiating the Pause by asking yourself, "how am I feeling right now".

Discerning your emotions as it unfolds helps you to take that moment to gain clarity.

Our minds moves very quickly, so this is all internal and in your head. You can even say to yourself "Pause" and then check in internally in your mind.

Once you get into the habit of momentarily pausing when face with difficult situations, you start learning to practice regulating your emotional reactions to your experiences because you no longer react, so to speak.

This takes practice.

It will not work like a switch, just flick it on when you need it... without training. Practice pausing whenever you feel the instinctive urge to react, so that you are able to do it when you need it at higher-stakes situations i.e. with your ex. Begin building the habit by starting to practice this pause actively in easier situations such as with co-workers, friends, at the grocery store....

Start pausing briefly before saying a comeback and watch the magic happen.

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For Love, with Heart

Fiona